Category: Uncategorized

Bad Day

Have you ever had a bad day that just wouldn’t go away? Mine has lasted a week so far. I don’t even want to crawl out of my hole that I’ve self-created for fear of more destruction. Once, in college, I heard that a definition of depression is not feeling happy for more than three weeks.
What’s wrong you ask? A thousand little cuts I say. The loss of something tenuous with a friend, not having the ability to comfort another one, the isolation that I myself experience. I’m never alone but sometimes I’m ALWAYS alone. The loss of a pet at work, cases experiencing complications, too much riding on just me, the frustrations of trying to be a great mom and feeling like I’m failing at it.
And I thought to myself tonight, as I was frantically trying to get all the dishes done, the clothes washed, the kid’s week organized, I thought- “In all the time that I’ve been working with a management company, I can’t recall anyone ever saying that I was a good boss.” Maybe I’m not cut out for this. I always thought that I was relaxed and reserved enough not to lose it in the workplace, but I did last week, and my nerves seem constantly near the surface.
I’m embarrassed to be me. And I’m pretty sure all the groveling in the world isn’t going to make it better and, since I did make my bed, I’m pretty confident that I should lie in it. Any thought of getting out and just leaving is beyond complicated. But the thought of a new start somewhere else is sweet and cloying.
Don’t get me wrong, I have the support of a huge amount of my community- if I didn’t I would have cut and run a long time ago (It’s just too hard for me to overcome my need to please others). But sometimes I just feel mired. I’m sure everyone does. I even tried to start a professional women’s blog for feelings like this, but it went over like a lead balloon- maybe we’re all too busy to actually participate.
So I guess I’m going in to the office in the morning and apologizing yet again (not that I will ever apologize enough), and PRETEND that I’m ok. Maybe if I pretend I’m ok, I will be eventually.

Stolen from the internet- reminds me of my Grandpa
Stolen from the internet- reminds me of my Grandpa

Electronic Post-its

I had an electronic post-it today. Remember the iconic breakup in “Sex and the City” where the guy Berger breaks up with Carrie on a post-it? Well, welcome to the new generation. Now these jewels come in the form of text messages.

You see, I’ve never been able to see my coworkers as just coworkers. They are my family. I invite you in to my “circle of trust,” and I am involved. These are, after all, the circle of people who protect me from bites and kicks, help me clean up my messes and with whom I spend the majority of my waking hours. We support each other through thick and thin. We laugh, make jokes and enjoy each other.

So I received a two-week notice the other day. Big, happy news requiring some big changes. Then, BAM!, a few days after, we got a text message saying that it was too hard to finish out two weeks and look for a new job. Yep, you read it right- via text!

What the heck?

First, as a friend all I can say is, wow? I can’t say I’m surprised at the rashness or even at the type of communication.  But I would like to call you out on that. You. Know. Better. How did this situation differ from last time?

Second, as an employer, WOW. In one fateful day, you have wrecked my schedule, put more stress on your ex-coworkers and given yourself an outstanding asterisk in your recommendation, should you ever be brave enough to ask for one (and it wouldn’t surprise me).  Where is the capable common sense that I hired?

I was discussing the post-it in a joking manner with another client and he burst out that this is the problem with that generation, no responsibility, no owning up to the fact that someone else’s life is majorly affected by what should be a relatively small inconvenience to you.  I was taken aback by his passion that this Millennial generation is so screwy. I’d like to give them more hope than that. My optimism urges me to.  Do we think that there is hope?

My Saturday afternoon with the cows
My Saturday afternoon with the cows

Should we text and ask them?

Friendships

How do we cultivate friendships?

Wow, first up I don’t have many close friendships. I haven’t had time to cultivate them properly. The ones that I do have I love dearly. I’m an introvert, I’m cautious and like many of us, I’ve been burnt more than once.

But I want them and I need them.

My husband’s one of those guys that you take to a conference with you and he’s made 15 friends by the end of the first day. I watched him recently to see what his gifts are and it’s sure been interesting. First, he’s unforgettable in a crowd. Meaning, he is slightly loud, tall, thin and with an accent that just causes people to notice. (So is this the sign that I really should get the purple streak in my hair that I’ve been secretly thinking about but won’t get because I feel like it’s distracting from my professionalism??)  Second, he loves a bar. He says that he was born to sit at a bar. So he places himself smack dab in an environment where people are there to mingle. Or he congregates around the coffee in the back of the conference room.  Then he just introduces himself and asks them all of these questions. At our last conference, he managed to find the one fellow farmer in the room, next thing I know I’m having a great casual dinner out with this farmer and his veterinarian wife.  At a conference recently I had the opportunity to meet Forbes Riley, a luminary of a lady who has made a living selling on TV infomercials as well as being an actress. She talked about how to make people remember your name and to make yourself useful to them. Basically you need a name hook and then you need to let them know how you can be useful to them. Seems like really good advice!

But I feel like it’s more than just the ability to meet people when it comes to friendship.

Ever feel that in this life that time is no longer linear? Here’s where my guilt comes in- I’ll admit that I am not a reliable friend. That I’ve often been too busy and I’ve used that as an excuse. I have a sneaking feeling, however, that if I were a better communicative friend, that time would cease to be so herky jerky and eventually smooth out some. I’m sort of panicky that I’m letting it slide.

So, I’ve decided to do something that I’ve considered to be dorky and beneath me. I’m going to place reminders on my phone of birthdays, anniversaries and simply reminders to call.

I’m also going to find some new friends. Outside of work, and hopefully outside my profession.